I guess falling in love comes easy for me. Never in the same way but love for sure.
I thought I wouldn't this time, my hearth is even still occupied. I began to tell myself that I enjoy his company, I laugh with him, I can joke around with him and the flirt... Oh, the flirt. I can't lie, I love that. But that's all I mean, he's not even my type.
As the time passes I notice myself wanting to open space to be with him on the few time I spend in Portugal. I notice myself having more urgency in this in opposite to him.
My friends say "Maybe he's affraid to get hurt" as he knows I don't intend to stay. He's sweet, but he also told me "I don't pay enough attention to my girlfriends, I wouldn't date me".
I don't want to fall in love. Because I don't want to stay but mostly, and what I'm affraid to admit to myself... I don't know how to be alone.
Lately I noticed that I'm in constant need of attention. And I expect so much of people. I know that since as long as I can remember. I do that. Ok! Now... Acknowledging is the first step to change, no? Fuck, why can't I? Because I dont... I thought I loved me. Maybe not. I guess I have to find the way to do it.
