I don't do much exercise. Nowadays my work-out resumes to a small run near my house with my dog or a few exercises at home. When I go abroad (and that's often), although I think about it I never go running. A friend of mine said it's actually one of the best ways to get to know an area.
This time I came to Macedonia and my hotel is in front of a beautiful lake. As I came earlier than the other and had sometime to kill (WITHOUT ANY INTERNET) I went running near the lake and through the city. I gave it a try... And I felt so good, I did get to know the city in a different way.
Today I went again running near the lake and in the end I went in. I thought before what a crime would be if I didn't go into the lake as it looks go clean and beautiful. It's almost December after all... But I guess good energies make everything possible and also maybe a warm body aha! I went in, one of the best sensations of this trip I'm sure.
quinta-feira, 28 de novembro de 2019
quarta-feira, 27 de novembro de 2019
What about Macedonia?
Although some people think it's a salad or a mix of vegetables from Lidl it's in reality a country. Some even acknowledge that it exists but have no idea where it is. Well, north of Greece here it is, this remote country. Or do I want to say region? 3,2,1 Macedonians and Greek START!
Aha, this is actually funny for me but for them not so much. Greeks made Republic of Macedonia change their name to enter the European Union because Macedonia is a region in Greece. So they did just because they wanted so bad to enter it. But... They didn't. Now it's France who doesn't want them. Poor guys! And they also fight about the true nationality of Alexander, the great. The list goes on...
I had fun with this facts and this country also brings me a bit closer to my third home, Romania. I find some similarities.
So, of course I couldn't resist doing hitchhiking once again in a new country. Here I am writing this in a truck with an Albanian guy living in Skopje that don't speak any of my 6 languages. Speak other 3 tho, the sufficient for us to communicate with small words.
For an all day I've been with my Macedonian friends and when they spoke in their native language I couldn't understand anything. It took a stranger for me to capture that we actually have some similar words. He insisted on telling me about his all life and I couldn't stop smiling with his enthusiasm. I couldn't understand much but we manage to talk the entire trip somehow.
At some point he offered me oral sex and insisted he wanted just to give me, he didn't want anything in return. So we went on the back of the truck and did some crazy sex on top of the sferovite he was transporting. So, my opinion about Macedonian guys is they're extra generous with foreigners. Just joking, I left the vehicle...
Aha, this is actually funny for me but for them not so much. Greeks made Republic of Macedonia change their name to enter the European Union because Macedonia is a region in Greece. So they did just because they wanted so bad to enter it. But... They didn't. Now it's France who doesn't want them. Poor guys! And they also fight about the true nationality of Alexander, the great. The list goes on...
I had fun with this facts and this country also brings me a bit closer to my third home, Romania. I find some similarities.
So, of course I couldn't resist doing hitchhiking once again in a new country. Here I am writing this in a truck with an Albanian guy living in Skopje that don't speak any of my 6 languages. Speak other 3 tho, the sufficient for us to communicate with small words.
For an all day I've been with my Macedonian friends and when they spoke in their native language I couldn't understand anything. It took a stranger for me to capture that we actually have some similar words. He insisted on telling me about his all life and I couldn't stop smiling with his enthusiasm. I couldn't understand much but we manage to talk the entire trip somehow.
At some point he offered me oral sex and insisted he wanted just to give me, he didn't want anything in return. So we went on the back of the truck and did some crazy sex on top of the sferovite he was transporting. So, my opinion about Macedonian guys is they're extra generous with foreigners. Just joking, I left the vehicle...
terça-feira, 19 de novembro de 2019
Lost memories
Now and then you find things in your pockets. Most of times it is just garbage like papers you couldn't throw in the bin or old tissues that you forgot. Other times it is money and we jump of happiness because we feel richer although we really aren't, we're just recovering lost money.
But in some rare occasions you find lost treasures like a letter someone gave you and you totally forgot, reading it again makes you smile. Or a small peace of embroidery that someone sew for you to remember a moment. Or even a bunch of tangled straw that you had in your pocket to tie the grape plants in the vineyard where you worked during summer.
We could see this things everyday and not give them the proper value. But to think they could be lost and turns out they were not... just brings back so much joy and memories!
I just found the piece of straw that was there for 4 months and I can't be anything but grateful.
Thinking about those two weeks where I was so happy, taking care of plants, meeting interesting worldwide people and just enjoying wine with good conversation...
I remember the tree with the swing that is actually in most of the bottles they sell but only the people who worked there know this.
I remember cuting some brunches, while I was swinging, to avoid being tree slapped.
I remember the warm I felt when I arrived and that beer in the end of the day when I thought WE COULD STAY THERE FOREVER.
Bella, the baby dog that everyone hated because she constantly annoyed Raoul, the vineyard protector. I was full Bella side by the way!
I remember Raoul spying on us while we worked and hiding between the grass to wait for the cars that he pursued. And boy, how he ran... I don't know how could a three leg dog run so fast.
I remember making pasta with my own hands and feeling the pure satisfaction in this act.
The constant gourmet worthy food that we made. Everyday was a pleasure to sit down at that table.
I remember a drunk night when we played games until we couldn't drink more. I went outside and layed down on the table. I stared at the amazing sky full of stars and cried of happiness.
I remember our reunion first kiss in a tent inside the wine house, where we were practically naked as we couldn't take the heat. We had to take the tent outside.
I remember the first night when we made pure love under a storm. I am so afraid of storms but I can swear that was a beautiful one.
I sat on the swing almost naked and closed the legs around him. I find you attractive and sweet at the same time, I said. And he replied that it could be a problem, meaning he felt the same.
But in some rare occasions you find lost treasures like a letter someone gave you and you totally forgot, reading it again makes you smile. Or a small peace of embroidery that someone sew for you to remember a moment. Or even a bunch of tangled straw that you had in your pocket to tie the grape plants in the vineyard where you worked during summer.
We could see this things everyday and not give them the proper value. But to think they could be lost and turns out they were not... just brings back so much joy and memories!
I just found the piece of straw that was there for 4 months and I can't be anything but grateful.
Thinking about those two weeks where I was so happy, taking care of plants, meeting interesting worldwide people and just enjoying wine with good conversation...
I remember the tree with the swing that is actually in most of the bottles they sell but only the people who worked there know this.
I remember cuting some brunches, while I was swinging, to avoid being tree slapped.
I remember the warm I felt when I arrived and that beer in the end of the day when I thought WE COULD STAY THERE FOREVER.
Bella, the baby dog that everyone hated because she constantly annoyed Raoul, the vineyard protector. I was full Bella side by the way!
I remember Raoul spying on us while we worked and hiding between the grass to wait for the cars that he pursued. And boy, how he ran... I don't know how could a three leg dog run so fast.
I remember making pasta with my own hands and feeling the pure satisfaction in this act.
The constant gourmet worthy food that we made. Everyday was a pleasure to sit down at that table.
I remember a drunk night when we played games until we couldn't drink more. I went outside and layed down on the table. I stared at the amazing sky full of stars and cried of happiness.
I remember our reunion first kiss in a tent inside the wine house, where we were practically naked as we couldn't take the heat. We had to take the tent outside.
I remember the first night when we made pure love under a storm. I am so afraid of storms but I can swear that was a beautiful one.
I sat on the swing almost naked and closed the legs around him. I find you attractive and sweet at the same time, I said. And he replied that it could be a problem, meaning he felt the same.
At the bottle light
It was Friday afternoon when two friends decided to go to an exposition with a bottle of wine in a plastic bag. There's something about going to museums that make us feel cultivated when most of the times we don't even understand most of what we are staring at.
In the building we found an old Brazilian lady who began a conversation. At first, I didn't want to stay there talking with her, I wanted to appreciate the art. But she doesn't read thoughts, so she continued and it would be rude to stop her, so we stayed. Who knew that we managed to learn more though this woman's experiences than with the place we were supposed to. In the end she commented our tobacco smell in a not so nice way. YOU SMOKE HAN?, she asked. We figured it was time to leave...
Leaving the place we figured that we didn't want to go home just yet, so we walked to a viewpoint to enjoy the sunset, took a bunch of photos, talked about life and laugh.
The sun was setting and the wine was almost over. We sat down surrounding a light on the floor. I did put our bottle on the light and it created a beautiful yellow light that attracted a sirian girl. She was taking pictures and we had to ask, Are you taking photos of us?. She was, but that was just fine. We simply wanted them after. She sat down with us on the floor and told us her story. We agreed we would go out some day.
I don't know if we will but that was, absolutely, a precious sharing sunset.
In the building we found an old Brazilian lady who began a conversation. At first, I didn't want to stay there talking with her, I wanted to appreciate the art. But she doesn't read thoughts, so she continued and it would be rude to stop her, so we stayed. Who knew that we managed to learn more though this woman's experiences than with the place we were supposed to. In the end she commented our tobacco smell in a not so nice way. YOU SMOKE HAN?, she asked. We figured it was time to leave...
Leaving the place we figured that we didn't want to go home just yet, so we walked to a viewpoint to enjoy the sunset, took a bunch of photos, talked about life and laugh.
The sun was setting and the wine was almost over. We sat down surrounding a light on the floor. I did put our bottle on the light and it created a beautiful yellow light that attracted a sirian girl. She was taking pictures and we had to ask, Are you taking photos of us?. She was, but that was just fine. We simply wanted them after. She sat down with us on the floor and told us her story. We agreed we would go out some day.
I don't know if we will but that was, absolutely, a precious sharing sunset.
An old church with different stories
This library was once a church. Now it has different stories. One of them is on the upper floor.
We were admiring this unique space when an old lady upstairs invited us like a witch in the fairy tales. YOU CAN COME UPSTAIRS, she said.
We went laughing. When we arrived, the upper floor was full of poems and jewelry. She was a lace-maker. No, a poet lace-maker, she called herself.
The old lady began to recite a poem by heart about the H bracelet she made.
It seemed a scene straight out of a movie.
We were admiring this unique space when an old lady upstairs invited us like a witch in the fairy tales. YOU CAN COME UPSTAIRS, she said.
We went laughing. When we arrived, the upper floor was full of poems and jewelry. She was a lace-maker. No, a poet lace-maker, she called herself.
The old lady began to recite a poem by heart about the H bracelet she made.
It seemed a scene straight out of a movie.
segunda-feira, 18 de novembro de 2019
Letters from my lovers
I invite you to make a little journey back and gather some random snapshots of my memory.
- Here he is, sitting in the volunteers room. Winter, snow outside. A girl rushes in, effervescent, offering placinta...
- They are playing chess. She is not an opponent to him. Self-confident, but tipsy, he is intending to win. He loses gently, she believes. Puzzled, unable to admit his failure, almost immediately he takes a role of a gentleman. Oh this Romanian wine...
- She's been through Belarusian drinking party and named it whereupon gratefully "Belarusian blackout"...
- They cook together in Republici BT and bake in her place. Erm, the place the organization rented and hosted her in...
- It was one day, new experiences: skiing for her and hitchhiking for him...
- She has too little time to say goodbye. They're catching a bus and in an instant he is on the way to Cluj. Does she know that she would come to Brest in a few weeks?
- He's sailing in the night sky, drawing circles again and again above Istanbul, manuscript in his hands. She is right, he captured her.
I remember more about them. What else? As she constantly said don't art me, don't eat me, don't ate me! Ha, fair enough. I take my turn now to say to you...
APPY BIRTHDAY!!!
You know, at the moment I'm thinking of how relative is everything. How long sometimes one day can last, but half a year run fast. How weaknesses form our personalities and values and bring up our strengths better, presumably, than make us vulnerable. How tempted the other time we seem to be. Or simply eager, inspired? To smth good or not?!
Do you remember one more episode: we went to planetary? I do - sunny day filling with warmth, melted snow, a bug on the pavement, so I had a pure feeling of summer. And it was all in winter, so priceless a moment! Ok, but now I need to take your soul out into the night again.
I want you to go out and gaze at the stars - yep, for real! Look for the star called Vega glowing brightly in Lira constellation. I'm not crazy, it's not difficult, you will like the process. It is your task. What's the point? When you catch the light from it you will go back to the time of your birth literally. It took this light 25 years' race to reach you. Then take your time, minutes or hours, and think about what you consider important, what you have gone through during this both long and short period. Relatively, isn't it? Touch the light as it was born with you. Touch your past - make your future. Listen to yourself, strengthen your values, dare to dream. Take a moment, make a wish. What's then? Go straight forward in your life and do your best to make your wish come true. Work on this, work on you.
Learn to say blood withal! Be more feminist, less homophobic. Don't smoke a lot of Mariana. Hahhaha, I couldn't have not said this :). Travel, share and acquire, care, let this volunteer who lives in you grow. Go to Tallinn, why not? Do skiing, you like it, don't you? Live your life.
Ok, go and celebrate, just go. And remember - many previous levels, but precious level is only one! Feliz aniversário!
P.S. Hey, don't forget to take a glance at the photo of me. I'm 17 there. Don't ask why, I don't know :)
Warm wishes,
Eldar who is supa-pupa!
- Here he is, sitting in the volunteers room. Winter, snow outside. A girl rushes in, effervescent, offering placinta...
- They are playing chess. She is not an opponent to him. Self-confident, but tipsy, he is intending to win. He loses gently, she believes. Puzzled, unable to admit his failure, almost immediately he takes a role of a gentleman. Oh this Romanian wine...
- She's been through Belarusian drinking party and named it whereupon gratefully "Belarusian blackout"...
- They cook together in Republici BT and bake in her place. Erm, the place the organization rented and hosted her in...
- It was one day, new experiences: skiing for her and hitchhiking for him...
- She has too little time to say goodbye. They're catching a bus and in an instant he is on the way to Cluj. Does she know that she would come to Brest in a few weeks?
- He's sailing in the night sky, drawing circles again and again above Istanbul, manuscript in his hands. She is right, he captured her.
I remember more about them. What else? As she constantly said don't art me, don't eat me, don't ate me! Ha, fair enough. I take my turn now to say to you...
APPY BIRTHDAY!!!
You know, at the moment I'm thinking of how relative is everything. How long sometimes one day can last, but half a year run fast. How weaknesses form our personalities and values and bring up our strengths better, presumably, than make us vulnerable. How tempted the other time we seem to be. Or simply eager, inspired? To smth good or not?!
Do you remember one more episode: we went to planetary? I do - sunny day filling with warmth, melted snow, a bug on the pavement, so I had a pure feeling of summer. And it was all in winter, so priceless a moment! Ok, but now I need to take your soul out into the night again.
I want you to go out and gaze at the stars - yep, for real! Look for the star called Vega glowing brightly in Lira constellation. I'm not crazy, it's not difficult, you will like the process. It is your task. What's the point? When you catch the light from it you will go back to the time of your birth literally. It took this light 25 years' race to reach you. Then take your time, minutes or hours, and think about what you consider important, what you have gone through during this both long and short period. Relatively, isn't it? Touch the light as it was born with you. Touch your past - make your future. Listen to yourself, strengthen your values, dare to dream. Take a moment, make a wish. What's then? Go straight forward in your life and do your best to make your wish come true. Work on this, work on you.
Learn to say blood withal! Be more feminist, less homophobic. Don't smoke a lot of Mariana. Hahhaha, I couldn't have not said this :). Travel, share and acquire, care, let this volunteer who lives in you grow. Go to Tallinn, why not? Do skiing, you like it, don't you? Live your life.
Ok, go and celebrate, just go. And remember - many previous levels, but precious level is only one! Feliz aniversário!
P.S. Hey, don't forget to take a glance at the photo of me. I'm 17 there. Don't ask why, I don't know :)
Warm wishes,
Eldar who is supa-pupa!
Letters to my lovers
Eldar...
I captured the moment when I came home from vacation. I was back in Baia Mare and missing all the people that went away before, with the feeling that no one could ever replace them, but also happy to be with the ones that remained. I knew there were other volunteers coming and all I desired was they could feel as home as I did in that moment.
I captured the moment when I offered you and Kiryl your first placinta and you can't imagine how important it was that you loved it as much as we do.
I captured our first dinner together and the sarmale made by all of us. There is no other way to do it.
How the parties became an habbit that you tought allways existed is a mistery for me but I loved every single one because it allowed me to get to know you better. Nobody can replace anybody but I can asure that you made this place even more welcoming for me as I wanted to be for you. You made it complete.
I captured the moment when you intrigued me, the nights playing chess, full or just earing you talk. I call you serious guy to poke you, to see more your smile. I captured your smile.
Something about you caught my atention. I asked for a kiss, you gave me a hug. I capture that moment when you said "isn't it nice?" not knowing exactly what you ment but wanting it some how.
I felt you coming closer and closer everytime and then we kissed and I captured it although you didn't, at least not in the way I did.
You make me confuse and happy at the same time. I see your sweetness and atention in small gestures instead of words.
I never saw it coming but this serious guy captured me.
It seems the time passed faster than it should and now you are going. I hope Baia Mare has been a home to you as I wanted.
I hope you captured me.
Simone...
La verdad es que me enamoré y eso ya lo sabes pero te digo de qué para que te enteres.
Me enamoré de cómo me hiciste sentir en Barcelona, de que todo era posible. Cualquier tontería o el deseo más puro. Me deste sentido.
Me enamoré de las palabras que cambiamos después de que no te recuerdas y no las podeste decir nunca más pero a mí me marcarán y no me las puedo olvidar.
Me enamoré de cómo tu cuerpo entero es una bonita melodía de la cual quería hacer parte. Todo el mondo se mueve contigo y tu ni lo ves.
Mi enamoré de cómo eres libre y la pura naturalidad como ves las cosas. Me enamoré de cómo me miras. Me enamoré de tus ojos y no podía dejar de mirarlos.
Me enamoré de ti más que tú te gustas a ti mismo, de todas partes de tu cuerpo y de tu alma. Por alguna razón no estaba capaz de dejarme dormir sin tocarte. Me duele como te miras a veces porque no puedo verte menos que perfecto.
Te lo digo no porque quiero ser tu novia pero cuando me lo repetes mil veces me daña. No es algo que puede dar cierto, no ahora seguramente pero lo único que sé es que te quiero hablar, te quiero escuchar y te quiero sentir.
Te lo digo para que sepas como me sinto en la totalidad y me digas si me quieres encuentrar tanto como yo. Te quiero y te extraño y hablo de ti a toda hora.
domingo, 17 de novembro de 2019
Shrooms saga
For some time now I've been dating a guy who I connected so well during sex. He's genuinely concerned about my pleasure. So, as I experienced magic mushrooms a couple of times, I decided to have a different experience this time. Fuck under the effect as I heard it was really good.
I arranged a weekend on a hotel for me to give it a try.
We arrived and, although I was feeling nervous because I don't know him for so long and I don't know how he would reacted with me like this, I took them.
We were playing cards because I didn't want to just wait for the effect to come. I wanted to do something trivial. When the effect started to arrive I just wanted the game to end and started to feel impatient.
I felt I was shaking, I just didn't know if it was the cold or the effect. I kept on saying I was shaking but he said it was psicologic. How could it be? I was feeling more than I ever felt before.
I just started to relax when we pressed our bodies against each other.
I had my senses amplified and every kiss or touch felt so intense. My breathing was much higher and profound, at least in my head.
At some point I started to feel the need to close the eyes because the room was feeling strange. Maybe it was some kind of claustrophobic sensation. And his face, I couldn't be close to it. I was seeing a whiter shade. Some kind of mix between a mime and a scary anominus face. I had to say it. I didn't want, we were about to have sex after all. It should be bad to say it but I did eventually. I couldn't take it anymore: I can't be close to you. Your face in scary! He laughed but was so comprehensive.
He went down and covered his face. In the beggining also felt strange. I was so naked on top. I wanted him close to me, to feel the warm.
He was kissing me and touching me slowly on my belly, on my legs and my vagina. At some point I forgot I needed the warm on my chest.
And after a while I also forgot about the face. He came up again and started to fuck me.
I was feeling everything on a so much higher level. Even now, thinking about it I start to feel my body numb.
I reminded him about the condom and I know he's responsible too but either way, I was thinking I would forget eventually and I didn't want to. Then he did put it. Unfortunately it wasn't feeling right. Because all my senses were so hiped I swear I could feel the condom so much... I never felt so uncomfortable with it. It felt like plastic. I tried but I couldn't continue like this. I even got dry. I was frustrated as I knew we couldn't keep on going without it.
So he was comprehensive again, we stopped and he just continued to touch me. I started to feel excited again. Maybe even more than before and when I realized we were fucking again WITH condom and it was good.
I don't know how much time passed but it seemed it lasted for hours... At some point I realized I wasn't doing much, he was doing everything and I wanted more. I wasn't feeling capable of turning things around. But he is a human being, he gets tired and he's not here just to pleasure me- I thought. I mean, I'm sure he's having pleasure as well but some position change should be nice.
It's so difficult to explain what I was feeling... but it was some kind of sex luxury world and I didn't want to end. I even felt it wouldn't. Present it's all there is. I wasn't even concerned about the orgasm. The constant pleasure was better. But once again, HUMAN BEING, TIREDNESS, MAYBE, WHO KNOWS, WANTS TO COME EVENTUALLY. So he did after a while.
After he left the bed I started to touch my skin, just my skin. And wow, it felt it was some kind of plasticine. I couldn't stop.
He started to go around the room doing stuff I didn't understand. He asked if I needed my phone charged. WHAT IS A PHONE? WHY SHOULD I HAVE IT CHARGED?- I thought, but after I remembered that I don't think about this things when I'm high but after all it's real life. So I said yes, you can charged it, without meaning much with it. At this point he said it was 3am and I just flipped. WOW, so much time.
After he went to the door to close the curtains and discovered it had also blinds. In this moment I started to look for the door and realized... The door is there, the door is a window, has curtains AND blinds. And it just seemed genius. A 5 star hotel, I said!
He came back to the bed and I was STILL touching my skin. I commented how amazing it felt and made him touch it also. Of course he took it to the sexual side but for me it wasn't sexual at all. My skin just felt awesome. At this point I felt wet on my groin. I checked with my hand and I was full wet. I couldn't understand why. It was because I was touching my skin? It felt weird but awesome at the same time.
He asked if I peed. I said no but after I realized IT PASSED SO MUCH TIME AND I DIDN'T GO TO THE TOILET. DID I PEE MYSELF? And I ran to the toilet. I peed a lot, so no, it wasn't. Aha, I came just by touching my skin.
So, I came back to the bed and lied down. I was feeling so contemplative. Everything was a perfect object of my admiration. His face, his eyes, his lips, his arms, his belly, his skin. Once again, it was nothing sexual, I just wanted to touch and feel. Our skins seemed different. His was rougher. It was weird because he has no hair what so ever. But still, it felt nice. Really nice!
I went on top of him and started to feel my skin again and then my boobs. They felt amazing, so soft, I grabbed them so many times and I couldn't understand why I ever thought they were small if they seemed so perfect in that moment. He mentioned he should be recording and once again I was confused. Record it? Why? How?
All my body and his body seemed perfect. THE HUMAN BODY IS AMAZING BUT YOURS IS PERFECT. I said amazed.
I started to kiss him in all his body and caressing every part of it. All just fitted so well, I was just slipping in his body. As I went down I started to become more sexual and started to lick his penis. As I see it, I spent a lot of time on it. I was not specifically thinking about his pleasure but about the feeling of the skin and our looks. I love the way you look at me, hae mencioned.
When I finished he wanted to give me pleasure but it didn't feel right. I wanted him to be concerned only about his pleasure. I wanted him to do what made him comfortable, pleasurable.
Under the sheets our skin looked more beautiful, the colours were just with a different more sexy vibe. I wanted to be under there.
He started to touch me and as I closed my eyes I felt gravitating. I was seeing weird patterns moving.
Eventually I started to fuck him, after all I was capable and it was so GOOOOD. I was already loosing the effect but still under it. I think during all this period I was constantly stopping to talk about what I was feeling and just laughed when realising I was saying stupid stuff. At some point I realized WAIT, HE'S A HUMAN BEING, IF I CONSTANTLY STOP MAYBE HE'S GOING TO FEEL ANNOYED AND HIS DICK IS GOING TO SLEEP.
I did my effort to stop and he just kept on going. Once again, for what it felt for a very long period.
After all ended I went to check the hour when I assumed cell phones were real. It was just 2:30am so I scram at him, he just kept on fooling me. It didn't took so long as I thought. In my head it was so much more time. This night I didn't sleep much thinking about my experience.
I couldn't be more right about doing this with him. It was not just the sex connection part but also his generosity on giving me the best possible experience.
I arranged a weekend on a hotel for me to give it a try.
We arrived and, although I was feeling nervous because I don't know him for so long and I don't know how he would reacted with me like this, I took them.
We were playing cards because I didn't want to just wait for the effect to come. I wanted to do something trivial. When the effect started to arrive I just wanted the game to end and started to feel impatient.
I felt I was shaking, I just didn't know if it was the cold or the effect. I kept on saying I was shaking but he said it was psicologic. How could it be? I was feeling more than I ever felt before.
I just started to relax when we pressed our bodies against each other.
I had my senses amplified and every kiss or touch felt so intense. My breathing was much higher and profound, at least in my head.
At some point I started to feel the need to close the eyes because the room was feeling strange. Maybe it was some kind of claustrophobic sensation. And his face, I couldn't be close to it. I was seeing a whiter shade. Some kind of mix between a mime and a scary anominus face. I had to say it. I didn't want, we were about to have sex after all. It should be bad to say it but I did eventually. I couldn't take it anymore: I can't be close to you. Your face in scary! He laughed but was so comprehensive.
He went down and covered his face. In the beggining also felt strange. I was so naked on top. I wanted him close to me, to feel the warm.
He was kissing me and touching me slowly on my belly, on my legs and my vagina. At some point I forgot I needed the warm on my chest.
And after a while I also forgot about the face. He came up again and started to fuck me.
I was feeling everything on a so much higher level. Even now, thinking about it I start to feel my body numb.
I reminded him about the condom and I know he's responsible too but either way, I was thinking I would forget eventually and I didn't want to. Then he did put it. Unfortunately it wasn't feeling right. Because all my senses were so hiped I swear I could feel the condom so much... I never felt so uncomfortable with it. It felt like plastic. I tried but I couldn't continue like this. I even got dry. I was frustrated as I knew we couldn't keep on going without it.
So he was comprehensive again, we stopped and he just continued to touch me. I started to feel excited again. Maybe even more than before and when I realized we were fucking again WITH condom and it was good.
I don't know how much time passed but it seemed it lasted for hours... At some point I realized I wasn't doing much, he was doing everything and I wanted more. I wasn't feeling capable of turning things around. But he is a human being, he gets tired and he's not here just to pleasure me- I thought. I mean, I'm sure he's having pleasure as well but some position change should be nice.
It's so difficult to explain what I was feeling... but it was some kind of sex luxury world and I didn't want to end. I even felt it wouldn't. Present it's all there is. I wasn't even concerned about the orgasm. The constant pleasure was better. But once again, HUMAN BEING, TIREDNESS, MAYBE, WHO KNOWS, WANTS TO COME EVENTUALLY. So he did after a while.
After he left the bed I started to touch my skin, just my skin. And wow, it felt it was some kind of plasticine. I couldn't stop.
He started to go around the room doing stuff I didn't understand. He asked if I needed my phone charged. WHAT IS A PHONE? WHY SHOULD I HAVE IT CHARGED?- I thought, but after I remembered that I don't think about this things when I'm high but after all it's real life. So I said yes, you can charged it, without meaning much with it. At this point he said it was 3am and I just flipped. WOW, so much time.
After he went to the door to close the curtains and discovered it had also blinds. In this moment I started to look for the door and realized... The door is there, the door is a window, has curtains AND blinds. And it just seemed genius. A 5 star hotel, I said!
He came back to the bed and I was STILL touching my skin. I commented how amazing it felt and made him touch it also. Of course he took it to the sexual side but for me it wasn't sexual at all. My skin just felt awesome. At this point I felt wet on my groin. I checked with my hand and I was full wet. I couldn't understand why. It was because I was touching my skin? It felt weird but awesome at the same time.
He asked if I peed. I said no but after I realized IT PASSED SO MUCH TIME AND I DIDN'T GO TO THE TOILET. DID I PEE MYSELF? And I ran to the toilet. I peed a lot, so no, it wasn't. Aha, I came just by touching my skin.
So, I came back to the bed and lied down. I was feeling so contemplative. Everything was a perfect object of my admiration. His face, his eyes, his lips, his arms, his belly, his skin. Once again, it was nothing sexual, I just wanted to touch and feel. Our skins seemed different. His was rougher. It was weird because he has no hair what so ever. But still, it felt nice. Really nice!
I went on top of him and started to feel my skin again and then my boobs. They felt amazing, so soft, I grabbed them so many times and I couldn't understand why I ever thought they were small if they seemed so perfect in that moment. He mentioned he should be recording and once again I was confused. Record it? Why? How?
All my body and his body seemed perfect. THE HUMAN BODY IS AMAZING BUT YOURS IS PERFECT. I said amazed.
I started to kiss him in all his body and caressing every part of it. All just fitted so well, I was just slipping in his body. As I went down I started to become more sexual and started to lick his penis. As I see it, I spent a lot of time on it. I was not specifically thinking about his pleasure but about the feeling of the skin and our looks. I love the way you look at me, hae mencioned.
When I finished he wanted to give me pleasure but it didn't feel right. I wanted him to be concerned only about his pleasure. I wanted him to do what made him comfortable, pleasurable.
Under the sheets our skin looked more beautiful, the colours were just with a different more sexy vibe. I wanted to be under there.
He started to touch me and as I closed my eyes I felt gravitating. I was seeing weird patterns moving.
Eventually I started to fuck him, after all I was capable and it was so GOOOOD. I was already loosing the effect but still under it. I think during all this period I was constantly stopping to talk about what I was feeling and just laughed when realising I was saying stupid stuff. At some point I realized WAIT, HE'S A HUMAN BEING, IF I CONSTANTLY STOP MAYBE HE'S GOING TO FEEL ANNOYED AND HIS DICK IS GOING TO SLEEP.
I did my effort to stop and he just kept on going. Once again, for what it felt for a very long period.
After all ended I went to check the hour when I assumed cell phones were real. It was just 2:30am so I scram at him, he just kept on fooling me. It didn't took so long as I thought. In my head it was so much more time. This night I didn't sleep much thinking about my experience.
I couldn't be more right about doing this with him. It was not just the sex connection part but also his generosity on giving me the best possible experience.
sexta-feira, 25 de outubro de 2019
Falling in love
I guess falling in love comes easy for me. Never in the same way but love for sure.
I thought I wouldn't this time, my hearth is even still occupied. I began to tell myself that I enjoy his company, I laugh with him, I can joke around with him and the flirt... Oh, the flirt. I can't lie, I love that. But that's all I mean, he's not even my type.
As the time passes I notice myself wanting to open space to be with him on the few time I spend in Portugal. I notice myself having more urgency in this in opposite to him.
My friends say "Maybe he's affraid to get hurt" as he knows I don't intend to stay. He's sweet, but he also told me "I don't pay enough attention to my girlfriends, I wouldn't date me".
I don't want to fall in love. Because I don't want to stay but mostly, and what I'm affraid to admit to myself... I don't know how to be alone.
Lately I noticed that I'm in constant need of attention. And I expect so much of people. I know that since as long as I can remember. I do that. Ok! Now... Acknowledging is the first step to change, no? Fuck, why can't I? Because I dont... I thought I loved me. Maybe not. I guess I have to find the way to do it.
I thought I wouldn't this time, my hearth is even still occupied. I began to tell myself that I enjoy his company, I laugh with him, I can joke around with him and the flirt... Oh, the flirt. I can't lie, I love that. But that's all I mean, he's not even my type.
As the time passes I notice myself wanting to open space to be with him on the few time I spend in Portugal. I notice myself having more urgency in this in opposite to him.
My friends say "Maybe he's affraid to get hurt" as he knows I don't intend to stay. He's sweet, but he also told me "I don't pay enough attention to my girlfriends, I wouldn't date me".
I don't want to fall in love. Because I don't want to stay but mostly, and what I'm affraid to admit to myself... I don't know how to be alone.
Lately I noticed that I'm in constant need of attention. And I expect so much of people. I know that since as long as I can remember. I do that. Ok! Now... Acknowledging is the first step to change, no? Fuck, why can't I? Because I dont... I thought I loved me. Maybe not. I guess I have to find the way to do it.
quarta-feira, 8 de maio de 2019
Love changed
Once upon a time I was an hopeless romantic, I believed in deep meanfull conversations under the stars and that little moments should be treasured forever. I felt I was in fact living a fairy tale and love was my knite on a white horse. Everything was intense but passed in a flash and when I realised it wasn't there anymore. All was an illusion.
That illusion made me discredit love but without never stop believing in it.
Now love was just wiser, more down to earth. Capable of dreaming but not in a deep sleep. I figured I grew.
I did, but one day I took my feet of the earth and I dared myself to fly again. I figured it was possible to live in a fairytale again but just for a moment- the present.
The problem with the present is that it's eternal just in our hearts and eventually the memories are not good enough to feed it. Love went away, I tried to pursue it with all my strength but life was stronger. I felt impotent and cinical about it.
Fortunately, life gives and takes. I guess she understood that my hope matter enough to keep. She improved love and managed to transform him into something both real and fantastic at the same time.
Now I don't know what part of love should I pursue. The reality or the fairy tale?
That illusion made me discredit love but without never stop believing in it.
Now love was just wiser, more down to earth. Capable of dreaming but not in a deep sleep. I figured I grew.
I did, but one day I took my feet of the earth and I dared myself to fly again. I figured it was possible to live in a fairytale again but just for a moment- the present.
The problem with the present is that it's eternal just in our hearts and eventually the memories are not good enough to feed it. Love went away, I tried to pursue it with all my strength but life was stronger. I felt impotent and cinical about it.
Fortunately, life gives and takes. I guess she understood that my hope matter enough to keep. She improved love and managed to transform him into something both real and fantastic at the same time.
Now I don't know what part of love should I pursue. The reality or the fairy tale?
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