Cultural differences

Being locked up brought me at least some more clarity on the differences that divide both cultures- European and Chinese. I can say I was surprised with some and amazed with others.
Opposite from us China has only developed on the last 30 years, before that all people used to work on farms on the country side. On the last 30 years China developed really fast and now I would say they are more developed than us in some ways, others maybe not so much.
The technology is a pro I must say, if used correctly at least, but I think they do. They have devices for EVERYTHING. They use a vaccum robot, a massage robot, a teaching robot, they pay all things (almost) through apps and don't even need to get a ticket when parking the car- there's always a camera that captures their car plate counting how much time they stay and calculating how much they need to pay (in the app).
They take more care of their health in ways that for us is weird but they are absolutely right. For example the warm water it is better and they never drink during meals. The hard mattress- better for the column. Washing intimate clothes all together is a no no. Everyone washes separately in a basin. Baby clothes are even washed on a separate washing machine. The mother stays at home with the baby during a whole month after giving birth and when the kids are sick she dedicates her whole time to take care of them even if she doesn't sleep. Shoes are always taken off at the entrance and sleepers are a must.
In what concerns the better use of resources, they use solar energy everywhere and in the bath they try not to waiste water by using a basin. They even wash their teeth in the shower if possible.
By other hand, there are somethings that I believe we have more advantage. We evolved to more equality between men and women. They still have an archaic system. The man pays the house- that by the way doesn't stay in the family forever, only lasts 70y)- and the woman is in charge of taking care of their children. Fathers can work far away from home seeing their families just a few times. The mothers can work as well but retirement is different. Men retire at 65 and women at 50- hugeee difference. When a woman have children, one of the grandmothers moves to the house to take care of them and help around. She's basically a servant. Wendy even tells her mother to pick up the shoes even if they are right next to her and is capable of call her from the room 5 times in a row. For me this is an abuse. She stays in the kitchen all day, even when she's not cooking, she's there on the phone. Chinese families hire babysitters here but for what Wendy told me it's really unsafe. They can't trust them. Babysitters use to kidnap children and change them so much that nobody is able to recognise them. This happens because there are couples that can't have children so they buy from this people.
About some funny facts, I asked about their Christmas. Wendy told me it's on the mall- they have a huge Christmas tree and.... CLOWS! Cannot understand why!!
Also, Chinese, as we could notice by now through the tourists, don't like to sun bathing, not even taking a little sun on the face. They put thons of sun scream when going to the beach is only with all the skin convered.
Yesterday we got out at night (finally) and it seemed a scenario from an apocalyptic movie like Walking dead or Bird Box as the streets were empty and almost every store was closed. Government advises not to get out but if we do must use masks. As Wendy doesn't have them (they're on the way) she gave me an hat with mask. It's what they use to go to the beach ahah. I was laughing so much inside. It's not even normal for locals. We got some attention. It's ok, nobody knows me and they can't even recognize Wendy!!!
We went to a shop and it's super funny the amount of different things they have- dry shrimps, watermelon seeds (to eat I mean), a lot of different flavoured condoms, kinder with the old face on it (ahah) and other weird stuff...
Well, it was fun to get out even for a bit.
Wendy also gave me a spring festival costume to try on. It's super beautiful, they use it just on this occasion. She was nice enough to offer me, it must be expensive. It's hand made and ordered... It's just an honour and definitely something to remember me of the time here.

Choosing a better angle

One more day at home without much to do... I'm so bored. I feel my family is starting to be really concerned but the truth is.. I'm not hurting and I'm trying to see this period as adaptation to the culture. I started to watch some videos about Chinese culture and starting today I'll make an effort to learn basic chinese. My nights are being a bit tough as well, my hips are bruised due to the hardness of the bed and the kids just don't stop yelling and crying at night. One of them was watching TV in the leaving room at 6am... I can't understand this schedules, I'm making an effort tho. The good thing is I can always sleep when I want after all... I don't have anything to do but I really didn't want to mess up my sleeping schedule again.
Regarding the food, my mainly experience here, I keep on eating meat although I told about 5 times I don't do it. They keep bringing it and I can't just throw it in the trash... It is lack of respect for the family and animals that already died.

THIS IS THE FUTURE!

I woke up feeling more excited about the Chinese New year. I didn't know if we would get out due to the virus but I was hoping so.
My BREAKFAST was pasta with meat and spicy sauce, I felt so confused but amused by this food. I could not ask the grandma because she doesn't speak English so I waited. Later on Wendy told me their normal breakfast is that "soup" with rice and sweat potato but she thought I wouldn't like it. Well, she's right, it has no flavour ahah but I can eat fruit, c'mon..
My phone battery was starting to die and I didn't have anything to do. They continue to be closed up in their rooms due to the cold and me out here trying to entertain myself. If I can't help cooking, cleaning or even play with the kids what can I do? I didn't bring an adaptor to charge my phone, I thought I could buy here but everything is closed. So finally Wendy gave me one, well, gave to the grandma to give me... She really doesn't leave the room and her mother just seems to be a maid around here. Funny fact: she's my mom age.
I was hopeless with nothing to do, start to arrange my stuff and sew some clothes- thing I would never do if I wasn't so bored!!- when grandma came to me with some books. They are kind of English reading test books so I laughed and then cried- don't know exactly if I was touched by the action or just amused and laugh crying ahah. So I did read it for a while outside, it felt good. I will try to buy some books later on.
I also played a bit with the youngest sister although it's not easy because we can't communicate much but we managed.
At some point the biggest sister and Wendy got out of the room- wooow! In the beggining I doubted my eyes- maybe it was the youngest sister and I confused it... But no, it was for real!
We went out in the afternoon around the neighborhood and city. Not much to do, everything was closed because of the FUCKING virus but it was a good walk either way. At least we got out of the house finally. At some point I understood that we were already in the new year... So, nobody partied!! I asked Wendy if it was not weird not to and she replied "well, we have it every year, it's ok". Even so, it would be weird for me to spend my 1rst of January midnight in the bed. Well, I got to learn about some traditions and this time is good to adapt a bit before my original host family arrives but it's sad I did all this effort and did not live the spring festival according to plan.
Wendy explained me some things about the small city of Zhuhai (small for China maybe- 2 million people...) and I got to see the night lights. They're actually beautiful. I was concerned about the electricity but she told me it was solar energy. I was amazed- THIS IS THE FUTURE!

Boring virus

I passed all the day at home because of the virus alert. The government recommends that nobody leaves home. Wendy said I would learn some traditions with the grandma and I could be myself, do what I want. The only English speaker in the house was inside the room the ENTIRE DAY with her older daughter who's sick (hope it's not the virus). So I passed the day trying to whatch series. Not as I thought I would live the spring festival. I learn some traditions with the grandma like how to do dumplings and to replace the poems outise the door for new ones. But as she doesn't speak English I couldn't understand the meaning inside the last tradition for example..
I hope I can get out in the next days and enjoy. I mean, I searched about the virus and it's not so bad as I thought. It's controllable. I just have to be careful with my higiene, maybe get a mask...
Meanwhile I've been talking with Miguel, a friend of mine that was already in China and absolutely loved it. He's teaching me some important things which can be valuable. I discovered the air here is better that in Avenida da Liberdade in Portugal ahah, so I think I'm good. Maybe I felt the climate was heavier. And I found out the app WeChat I use as WhatsApp here has a lot more funtions. One very useful is paying through it. Chinese don't use money a lot apparently.

Misconceptions

I arrived in Hong Kong and went imediatly to the toilet to put mosquito spray. The doctor told me I should put it everyday as well as sun scream. The sun scream I brought backfired, it was expired I'm guessing by the way it looked ahah. So I just filled myself with mosquito spray. Walking in the airport I saw a lot of people with masks. I couldn't avoid feeling scared. Should I have a mask? Probably yes!
After picking up my bag I went looking for the bus to Zhuhai. Found a counter with it, the ticket was 200 Hong Kong dollars (23€), a bit much I thought but I had to go... I bought it and a guy took me to the bus. He was in a lot of rush, was super funny. Reminded me a bit of my experience in Morocco or Turkey where they "take much care of the tourists" when in reality this treatment is there to cover they are really taking advantage of us. When I arrived to the "bus" I understood why so expensive. It was a car... I saw many buses going to the same stop. I understood in this moment my life will not be cheap here as long I don't understand how people and language.
I arrived in Zhuhai, I understood it was an airport and I waited my host. Waited and waited... Nothing. I tried to find internet but no one spoke English. It was hard. Finally I found a security guy that "helped" me. He started making a lot of questions actually. I answered but I wasn't understanding why he was asking me about my passport and to where I was heading. I just wanted internet!!! Then I realized... To go to Zhuhai I had to pass the checkpoint. Show my passport, visa and paper with detailed info of my stay. And so I understood my host was probably waiting for me but on the other side... Shit!
I looked for her... Nothing! I looked for internet... Difficult. My bag was heavy like hell and it was too hot. At some moment I passed a guy that told me what I understood it was "Cassie?" that's my Organisation's coordinator, I thought it was weird so I asked a bunch of times. Finally he said for me to go downstairs. I asked confused "Are you sure?". I went down and saw a bunch of taxis. So he was saying TAXI!!!!!! Ahah, ok understoodable mistake, or NOT!
Finally I found Internet in Starbucks (ahah always). Contacted her and she came to meet me. She's nice but there is some language barrier. I didn't know how to greet her, it was weird of course. Now I now, a handshake is it.
On the way to the restaurant I kept asking questions as everything is so new and I really want to understand what should I act like or be careful with. I'm guessing they take some behaviours in a bad way. I want to be careful. The air is super polluted here, I felt the heavy air and was even afraid of opening the window dispite the hot. Wendy (my host) said here the situation is actually better than in the rest of China, "The air here is not polluted at all compared", she said. Got me worried... If this is the less polluted I can't imagine Beijing....
The situation was very funny at the restaurant, she took a while to understand I didn't eat meat. When she did, told me that probably there was meat in every meal. I asked if she could talk to the waiter... Obvious for us, no? For them not so much. They do pretty much everything by apps/internet. The order was through an app. But she could just ask anyway no? I mean, there were waiters there... She did and pointed one specific meal without meat. So I ordered it and an ICE TEA. The waitress brought an iced water (whaaaaat) and for Wendy was just funny, she laughed. Ok, water is not bad, it'll have to do it. And then the meal arrived too.... IT HAD MEAT!!! My life here is going to be difficult, I thought. It was funny that waiters in that restaurant (at least) didn't do much but bringing the food. We had a drawer in the table with bowls, shop sticks, etc. Everything but napkins, like whaaat? You don't clean your mouths? Apparently they always cary tissues.
Next we went to the police station to register me. I went to the car alone to pick a photo of me and OF COURSE I couldn't find the way back (yes, I'm that stupid and my sense of orientation is bad as shit). So I kept asking on the street for the police station. NOBODY spoke english. On 10 minutes I found ONE! Once again, difficult han?
After that was settled we went home. They have dinner super early here (18-19h) and lunch at 12h. They have a lot of health food care. Water they drink it warm, doctors say ice water is bad for fertility!
Wendy prepared a lot of food, she was concerned with was could I eat, so sweet. They eat so differently- shop sticks for starters (but that I knew), they don't mix food- taking a bit of each and eating separately is the right thing to do. They don't have different courses. What's a soup? Nope, they eat everything in the same time.
My friends told me it was polite to burp after a meal and do noise while eating noodles. Misconceptions... It is actually not! Maybe in another part of China as there is a lot of regions here.
During the meal Wendy kept on putting things on the table- a robot she insisted I would try (didn't speak English, don't know how she thought I would use it), a bath cover for my hair and some anti-germs product to put when I wash my clothes. Ahah, she's definitely concerned on making me feel comfortable here. I can't even help here with anything. She doesn't let me!
After the dinner it was time to sleep for me, I couldn't much in the past days and I want to get used to their time zone. It was complicated to sleep this night tho. Because of the mosquitoes firstly. I'm so scared, applied more mosquitoe spray (3 times yesterday), lighted a thing to keep them away and tried to killed them!! Then because the mattress is very hard, doctors say it's better for your column. It's supposed to be true but damn, my back hurts. And finally because of the difference of hours AND one of the kids was sick and CRYING ALL NIGHT. Well, even so I manage to sleep so not so bad!

Heading to China II

Waking up on a plane heading to Hong Kong as a exhausting sensation combined with a fulfilling one. Finally I'm arriving, I cannot believe. I still have the way until Zhuhai, China but comparing I'm guessing that will be the easy part. Let's hope so at least.
I'm on the other part of the world now, never went so far. Doesn't feel so scary now, feels better like I accomplished something. In Portugal it's 1am now, here it's 9am, I already ate breakfast. Feels so weird but it's a good weird like I'm experiencing something different. I'm a bit afraid of the jetlag tho! I don't even know how much I slept (in the last 3 nights/during the day). Also, afraid of the diseases. I'm seeing a lot of Asians with masks. I should probably get one when I get the chance.
Now I cannot stop thinking that all my "problems" on Portugal seem a bit more distant now. I mean, can't do much from a distance so they'll stay there and hopefully when I come back in a year/half they'll be different, easier because after all it's me making things harder. I'll have different ones now I guess ahah.

Heading to China

Went to do check in at the counter for the flight to Saint Petersburg and guess what... I needed a visa because the amazing company of wizz air doesn't do connection flights (forgot to tell me much!?). To get a visa I needed to ask online and wait 48h. Result: lose flights anyway. Refunds? No way. Solutions from the website where I purchased this whole trip? What? No way. Solution: Come back or buy an entire new flight starting at the point I am. I'll probably will not get a refund and will lose all this money but come back it was no forking option!
After a lot of crying, I took a deep breath and start thinking about options. Thank god I have 2 parents that help me after giving me a lecture (sometimes). So he bought the flight from the comfort of our house that I deeply miss ALREADY and it tranquilized me. I slept at my cousin's house. Every Portuguese has family in London. Thank god once again!
This morning I lost my bus to the airport and ended up paying triple for the train. Good news here: my amazing cousin helped me and I passed security already. So that's good no?
I'm really considering my options to gain some money . Should I beg, dance, DO THEATRE? Let's see, that's what I studied and am deeply scared to practice. Maybe this was just the input and right amount of desperation I needed.
Everything happens for a reason, let's find what it is.

A question of morality

On the other day I saw an episode of a TV show where a group of teen girls had to sat together and figure out where do they connect. They couldn't, they were super different. But after a while they figured out that all of them were arassed by men. It's surprising the amount of women that suffered with this. Men keep thinking it's normal to do it, like a game of power. Somehow they expect the third arm between their legs will make them superior.
A woman can't dress in a certain way, can't say or act in a way (that men can) and certainly has to keep in mind her role on society and home. Or even just in front of men.
Yes, times changed and a lot changed with them. Women fought for their freedom and their rights. But let's not be mistaken, there is still a long way for equality.
Just now I was waiting my flight when a guy started a conversation with me. On the beginning everything was normal, the guy is nice. And then as he continues to tell me more about his life I begin to understand he's cheating on his girlfriend. He says it like it's normal, something like eating potatoes. "Mexican men, it's fun. For us it's normal". I asked surprised if her girlfriend nows. He says "no, she doesn't. She found out two times but forgave me. She can leave me when she wants". He questioned if Portuguese men aren't like this, if it's not normal. Well, some do it for sure. Let's be fair, women too but it's not correct. At least when your partner doesn't know. If you are in a closed relationship own it or get out. "A question of morality", I said. He's been quite ever since.

Just laugh

For the last 3 months I've been preparing things to go away from Portugal- first to China and then Australia. For a long time I didn't pass so much time in Portugal in a row. So, I wanted to go so badly that maybe I underestimated some things and screw others in the ass.
I believed it was a sign not to go, I believed it was a sign to go and ultimately I believed I was destroying myself. Just when you are about to lose something is when you really acknowledge its value, no?
I was feeling so nervous about going to China that I was doing everything wrong. Seeing my little cousin yesterday brought me a bit closer to earth. To think that when I'll be back she'll be almost 8 years old, she'll probably isn't going to remember me so much... I realized I'm going to be away for 1 year and half. I didn't appreciate my closest ones as I should in the past months.
The good thing is that I have friends that don't leave my side and support me like crazy. I have positive friends capable of telling exactly the right thing in the right moment.
Two nights ago after I hoped everything bad had ended, something else happened. I was prepared to feel my bad JuJu was never going to leave me but my friend remembered me to think about the positive aspects of my life. Better yet, if I discovered I was dying would I laugh about my "problems" right now? The most possible answer is yes, so that's not so bad as I thought.

Falls

One can struggle his whole life with the the question "Is love worth it?". Worth it to feel, worth it to engage but most important worth it to suffer. For me there isn't much of a question. It totally is, one can't experience the thrill without the fall.
Love is availability. People appear in your life for a reason and others don't have the chance. But that you'll never know. Well, perhaps later when you are open to it.
There are moments when we want to be with someone so badly that we don't realize we need to be with ourselves first. Real love, scar love appears when you are not expecting. This kind will always be significant even if it leaves you in a river of tears. Every kind of love is in a way. Let's embrace it and learn with it.
One time a friend told me she was happy to be suffering because of a love gone bad. It though that was just masoquist but she explained me- "I was happy because I never had experienced that. It was important to know what it is. And I'm grateful all happened". That's it.
I am an impulsive person and if I want to be with someone I make it happen. If I feel something, I feel scared to say it but I do it either way. Let's put things out. Let's be real. Then, if the "love" ends I feel I exposed myself. I feel I can't let this person escape from my life. Nevertheless.. it depends not just on myself. And of course I suffer. And I'm even suffocating for the other I guess.
Balance is the key and maybe I didn't find it yet. Or I'm just like this and the falls are necessary for me to rise and let go of some... Let's discover no?