LSD trip

I felt this LSD experience should be written apart as it was way more intense. This one I did it with a couple with who I've been sexual involved before. They have an open relationship and want to experience other people together or apart. We are pretty much in the same page of wanting a connection and not only something sexual and unattached so it worked pretty well in a very respectful and connecting way our first time together. I experienced some kind of 3-way relationship, we cuddled, made pancakes and watched a movie in the next morning even.

So they invited me to take LSD with them in his house.

I did not now what was going to happened but I knew something sexual would come with it eventually.

I brought with me a vibrating egg with remote. Mar (the girl) inserted it and I was controlling it. It was a nice "apettizer"!

When the effect starting kicking I wanted to being outside in the balcony. Mo's house has a nice view with plenty of trees and although I would feel way more comfortable in that moment between them, it was enough just to appreciate it with my sight. Colours were starting to change slowly and my body feeling different.

While outside I was still controlling the egg and we were having some fun before telling him. With she did sooner than expected. So I went inside and we experimented different vibrations and it's effect. We switched it to me and it was feeling better than normally. At this point we were just observing, counting the vibration modes and evaluating them. Of course tension starts to built-up and kisses happened.

LSD has a kind of continuous high that lasts long, and divided the effect is better. So we took another piece after about an hour and at some point all of us started to engage sexually. First with the egg and then touching ourselves.

We did put a blanket and some pillows in the floor along with some music. Closed the curtains and some lights and the environment was a sexual vibe. Every touch felt great and even if nobody was touching me I was having pleasure. From touching them, from just watching... Or even if I was giving her pleasure I was feeling I was giving it to me as well. It was like we were all connected.

Every penetration felt deeper and every nerve of my body responded to it. Watching her expression seeing me with Mo and feeling herself was amplifiying my own as well. The constant pleasure was better than having an orgasm, I didn't feel the need to do so but the energy was so high that we all felt it was too much for our bodies. We would stop now and then but without never stoping to touch one another.

I couldn't stop touching her mostly, giving her oral pleasure it was liking giving it to me. After a while she orgasmed and the way she described it, I was kind of jealous. "I didn't know it was possible to feel so much pleasure".

Colours were changing again, this time I was seeing the rainbow and the same pattern everywhere.

Faces and bodies were changing as well, felt a bit extraterrestrial. Suddenly, we had the need to stand up, walk, dance and focus on different things.

Filling my cup with water to drink, I felt I was watching a movie when they are on drugs and you see strange colours, distorted figures and everything feels a bit dizy. I was in a movie! The tap was amplifiying as I came closer.

We didn't pay much attention to the time but Mo said we should take the third piece so we did and not so long after that he said a friend was coming. It didn't felt right. Someone would burst our bubble? I would have to dress myself? They said it wasn't necessary as she knew exactly how was an LSD trip and she engaged sexually with them before. Still didn't feel right but it was not my house.

I did put only a pillow in front of me and listened first to some voices and then saw two strange figures in the dark. They looked like little people with down sindrome. His friend Cheryl came in after, turned on the light and opened the window saying the room smelled like sex. In my fully innocence and high I expressed I wasn't comfortable and asked them to leave. I guess she felt offended, told us we were being rude and asked us to go to the room and change. Her friends said they would turn around and not look. All felt weird, me and Mar naked in the floor with something only covering our intimate parts and breasts were talking in secret as we didn't understand what the hell was going on.

I covered us with the blanket and we went to the room. Mo followed us a bit after saying he did not get what was going on either and maybe it was bad communication. He joined them in the living room and I tried to continue the mood with Mar without much success. She was feeling bad and uncomfortable, just wanted them to leave. It was even a strange sensation of Mo's friend being territorial and Mar didn't like it. She called Mo inside and asked him to expell them of the house. I was just feeling bad for him, after all he was high as fuck and had to deal with it. After what it felt like 15min they left and we runed to the living room again, our space, turned off the lights and closed the window.

Mar was feeling confused and sad so we talked a bit about it but left things for the next day as we wouldn't solve or understand anything during our high, obviously!

We started to see the trail of our hands and different objects in the air. Our skins looked like they were full of spots like the universe. Everything was a discovery.

We engaged sexually again and I started to feel a lot of love thought them and for them. Maybe because of what happened before or because I felt she was just maddly in love with him... I kind of had the need to protect Mar. I was seeing her as this loving caring person who didn't deserve any bad that could come in her direction. I was admiring her beauty inside and out. I was just enchanted by her.

At some point I thought that it all made sense, to be there with them. I was feeling their love and understanding it. I even thought a three way relationship would be the best of all. Imagining that one doesn't feel sexual active some day but the other two do, it all fits. As well with emotions, women just understand it better and at some point as Mar needed to cry I decided to be there for her and pass her good energy when Mo didn't know exactly how to deal with it although he knows her better.

Overall it was a beautiful energy flowing experience. I must say that the end, when it's wearing off, it doesn't feel great. It's like a heavy head pain combined with a indiposition. Our heads didn't stop but we were drained of energy. I closed my eyes for a while to focus and calmed down. I was kind of dreaming while awake. After calming down a bit I started to feel sexual again but Mar was not into it although Mo was so we started to touch each other as she revealed it wasn't comfortable for her and raised some insecurities.

At this point it was a bit frustrating, of course I wanted to respect her but in the same time I was suuuuper horny. I moved to the other room and had fun with myself and THE EGG. The thing is I wanted to share it with them so I came back and we manage to engage her into it.

All was good until he started to penetrate me, she ran out crying and he comforted her.

After all, my high innocence of thinking a three way relationship being perfect was not focused on feelings.

I finished myself and she did as well in a way (as she needed a good cry) and they came back to sleep.

My head still felt agitated and I wanted to smoke. Started to prepare things to roll a joint when I discovered I didn't had papers... What to do? I really wanted to end the night with a joint. Still I went in the balcony to enjoy some fresh air and saw my friend Barbara was online. Felt the hurge to call her and listen to her voice, it felt so good. But why was she awake, I asked. I undertood she was having a sexual experience of herself and it all made sense, we felt so connected. And guess what, she went out to smoke a joint as well, I was so jealous...

So after hanging up, I left the house to buy some and suddenly I had this burst of energy, was even smilling in the street at 5:30am. Arrived in the gas station and it wasn't open. What to do???? Aproched the first person that I saw and DING DING DING, he had papers. I wanted to hug the man!

I came back to the house smilling again and ended my night with a joint and the feeling of warm in my heart as it was a beautiful connecting experience that seemed it went on for days.

Drug experiments

I committed to experiment some different drugs and their effects. I'm now in Netherlands and it seems to be a good place to do so.

I experimented coke, truffles and LSD for the first time.

Let's start with coke... Supposedly the drug of the rich, right? Gives you a lot of energy and focus. Well, to me it's not worth it at all. Only kept me a bit more awake and even made me a bit indisposed. I really don't like the taste and the feeling that stays in the nose after sniffing it. So, I don't get the big fuss. Shoud I pay 60€, or ok, at least 30€ divided if I want to feel awake? No thank you, I'll take a coffe or a nap.

Moving to truffles, I was curious about this one because it's so similar to mushrooms and I really love their effect. To take this type of drugs I really advise it to be done in an open environment, in the nature, with not many people around. Of course the other experience I related it was good as well, very good, but I feel this drugs are made for us to appreciate more the nature and how does it connects with ourselves.

So I took them in a lake and it couldn't have been better as the weather was just perfect. How is it possible in middle September in Netherlands I really don't know, but the circumstances were just perfect.

In the beggining somehow I always feel a bit sick, my belly feels strange, but after a while it disappeares and I start to notice things more. Colours become brighter, shapes become special, and all senses are hiped.

I was not so excited about taking it late because in the dark I wouldn't appreciate it so much... It was even better. The sunset colours were marvellous and in the dark we managed to appreciate other things.

Two of the things I enjoyed the most were being in the water kind of dancing, doing movements with my body and swing the reflection in the water. Picking a leaf and passing touching the surface of the lake. Felt so simple and beautiful in the same time.

We had this colorful balls that changed to the colour we wanted. For some reason I was so connected to the blue. Also green, but the blue was definitely attracting me. Seeing the ball reflection in the water was magical and passing the ball through my body was feeling so good.

I was feeling beautiful. I was in my bikini, and recently I don't feel in my perfect shape, even so I was feeling the most pretty I ever been.

I left the water when it was pretty dark and moved to the more dark part of the forest were I was just appreciating the sky, the trees and myself with the blue ball. I was freely dancing and enjoying myself without any care if other people could see me.

During this trip I was fully connected with myself and committed to let things come to me.

My friend Barbara told me she had some experiences meditating, such as seeing her guardian angel and other figures. I started to see a figure as well looking into the dark. It was a brownd woody female figure and I wanted to discover more but in the same time was scared of it so eventually I sent it away.

Later we started to meditate together and it was, no doubt, one of the most beautiful but scaring experiences I had. I felt my energy connected to Barbara. I felt she was chanaling me to access something in the universe. At some moments I even felt she was using too much of my energy and felt the need to call her to earth. She wouldn't stop tho, eventually I felt we were having a intimate transcendental experience. I was seeing her body and her beauty marks. Thing is, I started to feel other body as well, one that I don't know and it scared me again so I snapped out of it. Later it all made sense as she told me she was having an intimate experience of herself with another person.

It makes me think we can access things we don't even know we're capable of.

Emotionally attached

 -Being emotionally attached to someone means having feelings of concern and care for someone, and not wanting the friendship or relationship to end. It’s an emotional connection to another person. It does not necessarily mean that you are dependent upon a person, and, in fact, it is a quite normal human response to meeting and spending time with someone who makes you happy.-

Sometimes the feeling isn't mutual or it is and it can be scary- that's the barrier in many cases. Why should it be a problem? Love comes in different ways, there's not only the romantic love but the friendship or even through a beautiful connection you can show love.

I choose to give love, that's the only way I know how.

Once a friend told me: be a friend but without showing affection. That was said in a different language so the meaning is not exactly this but it's similar. So, how exactly do you do it? Can you be a friend without showing affection? Because I can't. I care about my friends and show love towards them. It is as simple as that, I learned that I should express my emotions and not suppress them. I learned emotions are beautiful and meant to be known.

Often when I put them out there I can get hurt. Can happen. But should I do it in another way? Absolutely not. If someone doesn't respect my emotions maybe is not worth it of them anymore. And that's how you learn I guess.

People have a certain role in our lives, all of them without exception. All teach something even if it has a bad impact on us it will be transformed into something positive in the future because you absorbe it, understand it and act better next time with more and more knowledge.

Travelling on a budget

I've been traveling for quite some time now on my own. It was when I did a car trip through Portugal with a few close friends that I figured out beauty is everywhere and it needs to be explored.

I traveled before with my parents but it always felt more of a duty than something really pleasurable. It may not make a lot of sense.. I can explain: if an authority figure tells you to do something, you'll not want to and even if it's good for you you'll not see it. At least as a child it was like this. Difficult one, I know!

From the moment I started making my own decisions and saw the world on my own, I could not stop. There's so much out there, starting in your own country. Because let's face it, if you don't know your country, you might as well not even tell me you love traveling.

What is traveling? Is it taking a bunch of pictures in a new country. If it is your own it doesn't count?

Traveling is much more than that, I dare to say it's not even that. It's more than anything having new experiences, living!

So when people ask me how can I travel so much, how can I have the money for it, it's due to the fact I'm not doing the same type of travel most of people do.

I don't have much money so I get creative and it wouldn't be fun otherwise. Since I discovered couchsurfing I don't want other thing- is a great way to meet new people and listen to incredible and different stories than you are used to. It's a way to find out about the best places in city or what to do as well. I'm not talking about turistic places but the real ones.

With couchsurfing I hiked a mountain with 2845m, I went to a nudist beach and I saw the most amazing multimedia show projected on a cathedral. But sitting in a couch having a conversation can take you to wonderful places as well.

Pay attention, this is not a free Airbnb. Couchsurfing is about sharing, so if you are not available to do it, might as well book an hostel. Take some time to do a typical dish from your home country or teach about some costumes for example.

Hitchhiking is another amazing thing to do if you are traveling on a budget, but once again- if you're not paying for the gas, you're paying with share, humor, love. You get the most amazing stories on the road, you see all kinds of people.

Most amazing story with hitchhiking I had? A Turkish truck driver leaving his truck to help me finding another ride ON THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD- if this isn't a pure heart eiger to help I don't know what is.

I got other drivers that stopped in beautiful places just for me to take a picture... This is the beauty of the world. You are putting yourself in danger, no doubt, you are trusting blind, yes, but so is the driver. So, if you think about it... This is a beautiful trust test we are giving to humanity!

Besides this two options there's also a bunch of opportunities abroad you can take like volunteering- with Eramus+, Workway, WOOFF, World Packers and much more. You just have to look and be open to new experiences.

I don't value so much the turist travel type, I value really getting to know a country so I take experiences that allow me to get to know more the culture and the local people. Living in a country is the best way to do so.

Of course another question that pops to people is... Aren't you afraid to travel alone, I mean, as a girl? The answer is, I was in the beggining but once you overcomed your initial fear you are able to see it was just a big fuss. Sure I had bad experiences, they're also part of the pack. They constitute great stories with time and you can even laugh from it.

It's important to be careful, don't get me wrong, I am, but I prefer to continue knowing bad things can happen, otherwise I wouldn't live the good ones.

The end of an adventure

On the second day with the new family I figured out I should go, I wasn't doing anything in China. Everything I could enjoy giving the situation I already did so to stop my parents concerns I talked with Yuan and we bought the ticket to come back. She was amazing, gave me the money of the ticket and still some more for me to eat in the airport and for the bus there.
One day before my flight the government announced they would close the border with Zhuhai. Believe the irony!! I'm glad we bought the ticket before as the prices rised up to the stars... So, I came to the airport (where I'm now waiting for my flight) one day before. I didn't get any sleep this night and as I couldn't stay any longer or I would go insane.. I went to Hong Kong city against all my parents and friends advices. Even me, I was a bit scared but the truth is that in Hong Kong it's not bad, I was careful and all... That's it. I'm glad I went. Next 14 days will be passed at home once again as I have to do a period of quarentene just for precaution.
Anyway, I absolutely loved Hong Kong and it's such a shame I just had one day. There's so much more to see.. maybe next time when I come back to China. Who knows...
Hong Kong is a mix of two very different cultures- Chinese and English. You can perfectly see the English influence. They drive on the same side, you see the London buses on the streets, international people, the hurry to get somewhere... And chinese, the temples, gardens, language, cuisine and people's attitude. It's such a beautiful mixed. I was just delighted, couldn't stop taking photos at every street. It was a mixed between skyscrapers and decadent houses with chinese characters or spring lanterns that bring beauty to everything.
I found it particularly funny the quantity of cards that forbids things like "No spiting"- because yes, they spit a loooot!; "No smoking" in OPEN ENVIRONMENTS which I gotta love, "No sitting"... Ok, so next, no breathing ahah.
I stopped in a garden where a group of old men was playing a board game like chess, couldn't figure out what was it but I was there observing for a few minutes. I couldn't help but finding that beautiful. I'm imagining that like their ritual. 2 men play and the others observe without saying a word.
Also, around the city I kept on finding people working out- running or doing Tai Chi- with a peaceful aura like they don't care whatever is happening around them. I found this people in the most randoom places like a terrace, botanical garden, arbor, plaza....
So yes, really liked Hong Kong but of course, me being me... I was lost a bunch of times and it's ok, I ended up seeing other things but maybe I missed out some others. And because I walked soooo much because I was supposed to and because I got lost.. I couldn't visit more. I had to stop, each part of my body was sowred. Coming back to the airport I kept looking for some special food to bring to my family. Here they eat a lot of dry food. It's kind of smart really, they can storage it for longer... So I wanted to buy for them to try- some dry meat, dry fruit and a few chocolates Yuan gave me. I think they're gonna like :)
And that's it for this adventure. I already have agreed on a earlier date with my Australian family (20s of march) so I'm excited and I have good feelings about it!!

Something to bring me hope

Turns out changing families changes a lot the situation. For good and bad. Yuan (mum) and Hester (daughter) have a really good level of English. I guess they really just needed me to be forced to practice and to play with Hester. I'm realising now that when us, western people, say "Asian level" it's REAAAAALLY NOT A JOKE. Kids in school are taught to compete between each other, study hard to be the best and still practice whatever activities they might have after school. Hester has piano and swimming. Her coaches say she must practice 2h a day if she wants to be good. For me it's too much, kids need time to be kids and not machines. But let's face it, Hester is a really good student, great level of English, good pianist and swimmer (a loooot of medals) and still she maintains her young energy. She's super active and she plays a lot. The mother is easy going and very nice with me. We drank Belgium beer yesterday ahah. I'm guessing I'm in a good place. But she scared me. Hers and Wendy's reality are different. Yuan wants me to stay with them but she enfatizes that my health and security comes first. She would leave the country if not for her parents and she advises me to do the same as the virus can only spread. "The tickets are on me", she even said without knowing me so well. Chinese are really trusty (well, rich chinese at least ahah).
I want to give it a bit more time tho, I hope it's not a mistake. I spent a lot of money and energy to come, so I would like to learn and see a bit more. I think it's possible even if the virus is taking control. I'll be carefull and all will be ok.
Everybody is so concerned asking me everyday how am I, why am I here. I doing copy paste at this point. My parents say I should go now before they stop all the airlines and close borders. As the situation in Zhuhai is not so urgent I guess I can wait a bit more.
Even Simone asked me how I am, of course this put a smile on my face. We talked for a while, I told him I might go earlier to Australia and he was happy. He said it would be strange to encounter me in Australia but maybe we could do the same as in France. Well, this is my wish and the only thing I can think about now. Maybe my luck is about to change. Something to bring me hope.

Cultural differences

Being locked up brought me at least some more clarity on the differences that divide both cultures- European and Chinese. I can say I was surprised with some and amazed with others.
Opposite from us China has only developed on the last 30 years, before that all people used to work on farms on the country side. On the last 30 years China developed really fast and now I would say they are more developed than us in some ways, others maybe not so much.
The technology is a pro I must say, if used correctly at least, but I think they do. They have devices for EVERYTHING. They use a vaccum robot, a massage robot, a teaching robot, they pay all things (almost) through apps and don't even need to get a ticket when parking the car- there's always a camera that captures their car plate counting how much time they stay and calculating how much they need to pay (in the app).
They take more care of their health in ways that for us is weird but they are absolutely right. For example the warm water it is better and they never drink during meals. The hard mattress- better for the column. Washing intimate clothes all together is a no no. Everyone washes separately in a basin. Baby clothes are even washed on a separate washing machine. The mother stays at home with the baby during a whole month after giving birth and when the kids are sick she dedicates her whole time to take care of them even if she doesn't sleep. Shoes are always taken off at the entrance and sleepers are a must.
In what concerns the better use of resources, they use solar energy everywhere and in the bath they try not to waiste water by using a basin. They even wash their teeth in the shower if possible.
By other hand, there are somethings that I believe we have more advantage. We evolved to more equality between men and women. They still have an archaic system. The man pays the house- that by the way doesn't stay in the family forever, only lasts 70y)- and the woman is in charge of taking care of their children. Fathers can work far away from home seeing their families just a few times. The mothers can work as well but retirement is different. Men retire at 65 and women at 50- hugeee difference. When a woman have children, one of the grandmothers moves to the house to take care of them and help around. She's basically a servant. Wendy even tells her mother to pick up the shoes even if they are right next to her and is capable of call her from the room 5 times in a row. For me this is an abuse. She stays in the kitchen all day, even when she's not cooking, she's there on the phone. Chinese families hire babysitters here but for what Wendy told me it's really unsafe. They can't trust them. Babysitters use to kidnap children and change them so much that nobody is able to recognise them. This happens because there are couples that can't have children so they buy from this people.
About some funny facts, I asked about their Christmas. Wendy told me it's on the mall- they have a huge Christmas tree and.... CLOWS! Cannot understand why!!
Also, Chinese, as we could notice by now through the tourists, don't like to sun bathing, not even taking a little sun on the face. They put thons of sun scream when going to the beach is only with all the skin convered.
Yesterday we got out at night (finally) and it seemed a scenario from an apocalyptic movie like Walking dead or Bird Box as the streets were empty and almost every store was closed. Government advises not to get out but if we do must use masks. As Wendy doesn't have them (they're on the way) she gave me an hat with mask. It's what they use to go to the beach ahah. I was laughing so much inside. It's not even normal for locals. We got some attention. It's ok, nobody knows me and they can't even recognize Wendy!!!
We went to a shop and it's super funny the amount of different things they have- dry shrimps, watermelon seeds (to eat I mean), a lot of different flavoured condoms, kinder with the old face on it (ahah) and other weird stuff...
Well, it was fun to get out even for a bit.
Wendy also gave me a spring festival costume to try on. It's super beautiful, they use it just on this occasion. She was nice enough to offer me, it must be expensive. It's hand made and ordered... It's just an honour and definitely something to remember me of the time here.

Choosing a better angle

One more day at home without much to do... I'm so bored. I feel my family is starting to be really concerned but the truth is.. I'm not hurting and I'm trying to see this period as adaptation to the culture. I started to watch some videos about Chinese culture and starting today I'll make an effort to learn basic chinese. My nights are being a bit tough as well, my hips are bruised due to the hardness of the bed and the kids just don't stop yelling and crying at night. One of them was watching TV in the leaving room at 6am... I can't understand this schedules, I'm making an effort tho. The good thing is I can always sleep when I want after all... I don't have anything to do but I really didn't want to mess up my sleeping schedule again.
Regarding the food, my mainly experience here, I keep on eating meat although I told about 5 times I don't do it. They keep bringing it and I can't just throw it in the trash... It is lack of respect for the family and animals that already died.

THIS IS THE FUTURE!

I woke up feeling more excited about the Chinese New year. I didn't know if we would get out due to the virus but I was hoping so.
My BREAKFAST was pasta with meat and spicy sauce, I felt so confused but amused by this food. I could not ask the grandma because she doesn't speak English so I waited. Later on Wendy told me their normal breakfast is that "soup" with rice and sweat potato but she thought I wouldn't like it. Well, she's right, it has no flavour ahah but I can eat fruit, c'mon..
My phone battery was starting to die and I didn't have anything to do. They continue to be closed up in their rooms due to the cold and me out here trying to entertain myself. If I can't help cooking, cleaning or even play with the kids what can I do? I didn't bring an adaptor to charge my phone, I thought I could buy here but everything is closed. So finally Wendy gave me one, well, gave to the grandma to give me... She really doesn't leave the room and her mother just seems to be a maid around here. Funny fact: she's my mom age.
I was hopeless with nothing to do, start to arrange my stuff and sew some clothes- thing I would never do if I wasn't so bored!!- when grandma came to me with some books. They are kind of English reading test books so I laughed and then cried- don't know exactly if I was touched by the action or just amused and laugh crying ahah. So I did read it for a while outside, it felt good. I will try to buy some books later on.
I also played a bit with the youngest sister although it's not easy because we can't communicate much but we managed.
At some point the biggest sister and Wendy got out of the room- wooow! In the beggining I doubted my eyes- maybe it was the youngest sister and I confused it... But no, it was for real!
We went out in the afternoon around the neighborhood and city. Not much to do, everything was closed because of the FUCKING virus but it was a good walk either way. At least we got out of the house finally. At some point I understood that we were already in the new year... So, nobody partied!! I asked Wendy if it was not weird not to and she replied "well, we have it every year, it's ok". Even so, it would be weird for me to spend my 1rst of January midnight in the bed. Well, I got to learn about some traditions and this time is good to adapt a bit before my original host family arrives but it's sad I did all this effort and did not live the spring festival according to plan.
Wendy explained me some things about the small city of Zhuhai (small for China maybe- 2 million people...) and I got to see the night lights. They're actually beautiful. I was concerned about the electricity but she told me it was solar energy. I was amazed- THIS IS THE FUTURE!

Boring virus

I passed all the day at home because of the virus alert. The government recommends that nobody leaves home. Wendy said I would learn some traditions with the grandma and I could be myself, do what I want. The only English speaker in the house was inside the room the ENTIRE DAY with her older daughter who's sick (hope it's not the virus). So I passed the day trying to whatch series. Not as I thought I would live the spring festival. I learn some traditions with the grandma like how to do dumplings and to replace the poems outise the door for new ones. But as she doesn't speak English I couldn't understand the meaning inside the last tradition for example..
I hope I can get out in the next days and enjoy. I mean, I searched about the virus and it's not so bad as I thought. It's controllable. I just have to be careful with my higiene, maybe get a mask...
Meanwhile I've been talking with Miguel, a friend of mine that was already in China and absolutely loved it. He's teaching me some important things which can be valuable. I discovered the air here is better that in Avenida da Liberdade in Portugal ahah, so I think I'm good. Maybe I felt the climate was heavier. And I found out the app WeChat I use as WhatsApp here has a lot more funtions. One very useful is paying through it. Chinese don't use money a lot apparently.

Misconceptions

I arrived in Hong Kong and went imediatly to the toilet to put mosquito spray. The doctor told me I should put it everyday as well as sun scream. The sun scream I brought backfired, it was expired I'm guessing by the way it looked ahah. So I just filled myself with mosquito spray. Walking in the airport I saw a lot of people with masks. I couldn't avoid feeling scared. Should I have a mask? Probably yes!
After picking up my bag I went looking for the bus to Zhuhai. Found a counter with it, the ticket was 200 Hong Kong dollars (23€), a bit much I thought but I had to go... I bought it and a guy took me to the bus. He was in a lot of rush, was super funny. Reminded me a bit of my experience in Morocco or Turkey where they "take much care of the tourists" when in reality this treatment is there to cover they are really taking advantage of us. When I arrived to the "bus" I understood why so expensive. It was a car... I saw many buses going to the same stop. I understood in this moment my life will not be cheap here as long I don't understand how people and language.
I arrived in Zhuhai, I understood it was an airport and I waited my host. Waited and waited... Nothing. I tried to find internet but no one spoke English. It was hard. Finally I found a security guy that "helped" me. He started making a lot of questions actually. I answered but I wasn't understanding why he was asking me about my passport and to where I was heading. I just wanted internet!!! Then I realized... To go to Zhuhai I had to pass the checkpoint. Show my passport, visa and paper with detailed info of my stay. And so I understood my host was probably waiting for me but on the other side... Shit!
I looked for her... Nothing! I looked for internet... Difficult. My bag was heavy like hell and it was too hot. At some moment I passed a guy that told me what I understood it was "Cassie?" that's my Organisation's coordinator, I thought it was weird so I asked a bunch of times. Finally he said for me to go downstairs. I asked confused "Are you sure?". I went down and saw a bunch of taxis. So he was saying TAXI!!!!!! Ahah, ok understoodable mistake, or NOT!
Finally I found Internet in Starbucks (ahah always). Contacted her and she came to meet me. She's nice but there is some language barrier. I didn't know how to greet her, it was weird of course. Now I now, a handshake is it.
On the way to the restaurant I kept asking questions as everything is so new and I really want to understand what should I act like or be careful with. I'm guessing they take some behaviours in a bad way. I want to be careful. The air is super polluted here, I felt the heavy air and was even afraid of opening the window dispite the hot. Wendy (my host) said here the situation is actually better than in the rest of China, "The air here is not polluted at all compared", she said. Got me worried... If this is the less polluted I can't imagine Beijing....
The situation was very funny at the restaurant, she took a while to understand I didn't eat meat. When she did, told me that probably there was meat in every meal. I asked if she could talk to the waiter... Obvious for us, no? For them not so much. They do pretty much everything by apps/internet. The order was through an app. But she could just ask anyway no? I mean, there were waiters there... She did and pointed one specific meal without meat. So I ordered it and an ICE TEA. The waitress brought an iced water (whaaaaat) and for Wendy was just funny, she laughed. Ok, water is not bad, it'll have to do it. And then the meal arrived too.... IT HAD MEAT!!! My life here is going to be difficult, I thought. It was funny that waiters in that restaurant (at least) didn't do much but bringing the food. We had a drawer in the table with bowls, shop sticks, etc. Everything but napkins, like whaaat? You don't clean your mouths? Apparently they always cary tissues.
Next we went to the police station to register me. I went to the car alone to pick a photo of me and OF COURSE I couldn't find the way back (yes, I'm that stupid and my sense of orientation is bad as shit). So I kept asking on the street for the police station. NOBODY spoke english. On 10 minutes I found ONE! Once again, difficult han?
After that was settled we went home. They have dinner super early here (18-19h) and lunch at 12h. They have a lot of health food care. Water they drink it warm, doctors say ice water is bad for fertility!
Wendy prepared a lot of food, she was concerned with was could I eat, so sweet. They eat so differently- shop sticks for starters (but that I knew), they don't mix food- taking a bit of each and eating separately is the right thing to do. They don't have different courses. What's a soup? Nope, they eat everything in the same time.
My friends told me it was polite to burp after a meal and do noise while eating noodles. Misconceptions... It is actually not! Maybe in another part of China as there is a lot of regions here.
During the meal Wendy kept on putting things on the table- a robot she insisted I would try (didn't speak English, don't know how she thought I would use it), a bath cover for my hair and some anti-germs product to put when I wash my clothes. Ahah, she's definitely concerned on making me feel comfortable here. I can't even help here with anything. She doesn't let me!
After the dinner it was time to sleep for me, I couldn't much in the past days and I want to get used to their time zone. It was complicated to sleep this night tho. Because of the mosquitoes firstly. I'm so scared, applied more mosquitoe spray (3 times yesterday), lighted a thing to keep them away and tried to killed them!! Then because the mattress is very hard, doctors say it's better for your column. It's supposed to be true but damn, my back hurts. And finally because of the difference of hours AND one of the kids was sick and CRYING ALL NIGHT. Well, even so I manage to sleep so not so bad!

Heading to China II

Waking up on a plane heading to Hong Kong as a exhausting sensation combined with a fulfilling one. Finally I'm arriving, I cannot believe. I still have the way until Zhuhai, China but comparing I'm guessing that will be the easy part. Let's hope so at least.
I'm on the other part of the world now, never went so far. Doesn't feel so scary now, feels better like I accomplished something. In Portugal it's 1am now, here it's 9am, I already ate breakfast. Feels so weird but it's a good weird like I'm experiencing something different. I'm a bit afraid of the jetlag tho! I don't even know how much I slept (in the last 3 nights/during the day). Also, afraid of the diseases. I'm seeing a lot of Asians with masks. I should probably get one when I get the chance.
Now I cannot stop thinking that all my "problems" on Portugal seem a bit more distant now. I mean, can't do much from a distance so they'll stay there and hopefully when I come back in a year/half they'll be different, easier because after all it's me making things harder. I'll have different ones now I guess ahah.

Heading to China

Went to do check in at the counter for the flight to Saint Petersburg and guess what... I needed a visa because the amazing company of wizz air doesn't do connection flights (forgot to tell me much!?). To get a visa I needed to ask online and wait 48h. Result: lose flights anyway. Refunds? No way. Solutions from the website where I purchased this whole trip? What? No way. Solution: Come back or buy an entire new flight starting at the point I am. I'll probably will not get a refund and will lose all this money but come back it was no forking option!
After a lot of crying, I took a deep breath and start thinking about options. Thank god I have 2 parents that help me after giving me a lecture (sometimes). So he bought the flight from the comfort of our house that I deeply miss ALREADY and it tranquilized me. I slept at my cousin's house. Every Portuguese has family in London. Thank god once again!
This morning I lost my bus to the airport and ended up paying triple for the train. Good news here: my amazing cousin helped me and I passed security already. So that's good no?
I'm really considering my options to gain some money . Should I beg, dance, DO THEATRE? Let's see, that's what I studied and am deeply scared to practice. Maybe this was just the input and right amount of desperation I needed.
Everything happens for a reason, let's find what it is.

A question of morality

On the other day I saw an episode of a TV show where a group of teen girls had to sat together and figure out where do they connect. They couldn't, they were super different. But after a while they figured out that all of them were arassed by men. It's surprising the amount of women that suffered with this. Men keep thinking it's normal to do it, like a game of power. Somehow they expect the third arm between their legs will make them superior.
A woman can't dress in a certain way, can't say or act in a way (that men can) and certainly has to keep in mind her role on society and home. Or even just in front of men.
Yes, times changed and a lot changed with them. Women fought for their freedom and their rights. But let's not be mistaken, there is still a long way for equality.
Just now I was waiting my flight when a guy started a conversation with me. On the beginning everything was normal, the guy is nice. And then as he continues to tell me more about his life I begin to understand he's cheating on his girlfriend. He says it like it's normal, something like eating potatoes. "Mexican men, it's fun. For us it's normal". I asked surprised if her girlfriend nows. He says "no, she doesn't. She found out two times but forgave me. She can leave me when she wants". He questioned if Portuguese men aren't like this, if it's not normal. Well, some do it for sure. Let's be fair, women too but it's not correct. At least when your partner doesn't know. If you are in a closed relationship own it or get out. "A question of morality", I said. He's been quite ever since.

Just laugh

For the last 3 months I've been preparing things to go away from Portugal- first to China and then Australia. For a long time I didn't pass so much time in Portugal in a row. So, I wanted to go so badly that maybe I underestimated some things and screw others in the ass.
I believed it was a sign not to go, I believed it was a sign to go and ultimately I believed I was destroying myself. Just when you are about to lose something is when you really acknowledge its value, no?
I was feeling so nervous about going to China that I was doing everything wrong. Seeing my little cousin yesterday brought me a bit closer to earth. To think that when I'll be back she'll be almost 8 years old, she'll probably isn't going to remember me so much... I realized I'm going to be away for 1 year and half. I didn't appreciate my closest ones as I should in the past months.
The good thing is that I have friends that don't leave my side and support me like crazy. I have positive friends capable of telling exactly the right thing in the right moment.
Two nights ago after I hoped everything bad had ended, something else happened. I was prepared to feel my bad JuJu was never going to leave me but my friend remembered me to think about the positive aspects of my life. Better yet, if I discovered I was dying would I laugh about my "problems" right now? The most possible answer is yes, so that's not so bad as I thought.

Falls

One can struggle his whole life with the the question "Is love worth it?". Worth it to feel, worth it to engage but most important worth it to suffer. For me there isn't much of a question. It totally is, one can't experience the thrill without the fall.
Love is availability. People appear in your life for a reason and others don't have the chance. But that you'll never know. Well, perhaps later when you are open to it.
There are moments when we want to be with someone so badly that we don't realize we need to be with ourselves first. Real love, scar love appears when you are not expecting. This kind will always be significant even if it leaves you in a river of tears. Every kind of love is in a way. Let's embrace it and learn with it.
One time a friend told me she was happy to be suffering because of a love gone bad. It though that was just masoquist but she explained me- "I was happy because I never had experienced that. It was important to know what it is. And I'm grateful all happened". That's it.
I am an impulsive person and if I want to be with someone I make it happen. If I feel something, I feel scared to say it but I do it either way. Let's put things out. Let's be real. Then, if the "love" ends I feel I exposed myself. I feel I can't let this person escape from my life. Nevertheless.. it depends not just on myself. And of course I suffer. And I'm even suffocating for the other I guess.
Balance is the key and maybe I didn't find it yet. Or I'm just like this and the falls are necessary for me to rise and let go of some... Let's discover no?